so death is an interesting thing ..some people cry and get very upset and question why this had to happen and why such a good person had to leave this world so soon. others say it's the will of the almighty and we should not question why this person is gone and still other's, while sad that someone they loved is gone, are happy ..or at least not as sad ...that this person that they loved is no longer in the pain that she was in, that all the tubes and machines have been taken out and she looks somewhat normal again..instead of looking like some weird horror movie reject.
Today at around 2:30 I lost one of the best friends that i'll ever have, the kindest sweetest person that i will ever meet. She is the person that i patterened my life after, how i act towards others and all sorts of other little things that make me who i am that are too numerous to name. She put up a fight that most would have shied away from and came out on top for a time. In the end though all the extra surgerys and various internal organs being taken out and put back in got to her and she just couldn't take it any longer. I will miss her more than i care to let myself admit too. She was the only mother that i know that I could talk to about how we both thought that my grandmother, her mother, looked like a big eyed gremlin when we were tripping acid, yes i will miss her....by that same token though I know that if there is that paradise that she believed in that right now she's there and no longer in any pain and no machines are helping her breathe and that, strangly enough, makes me smile just a little bit
I'm not sure why really..in the past month or so I just can't seem to sleep any thing close to resembling a normal sleep schedule. I try to go to sleep shortly after i get off work..usually around midnight or one at the latest..but then i just lie there and my mind wont stop racing. It falls into a rut..which usually has something to do with my mom and what i'm going to do ..if..when ..the inevitable happens. So far the, so called, specialists have done about as much as one can be expected to while their thumb is stuck up their ass...it's in part due to the fact that this doctor in houston is a very popular guy..so popular that he isn't taking any more patients and the only reason he's even looking at my mom is because he's doing a favor for another doctor...the downside to that is that since she's not an actual patient then he's not treating her as such..i.e.: about two weeks ago she went in for some tests..they did all the normal poking around and such and then it took them a week and a half to get back to sharon, my mom, to tell her..basically..nothing. They were nice enough, however, to tell her that since the tests where taken so long ago that there was really no way of telling if they were accurate or not so she would have to come back in for the same tests all over again...this time i'm sure they will take a least 3 weeks to get back to her ..heck maybe by then the tumor will have grown some..oh happy day. But wait ..there's more! My stepfather doesn't want sharon to go up to this cancer research place..in illinois i think...he would, or so it seems, rather her stay here and get no help..or treatment and he's stubborn enough that there is no talking to him...and if i were to even try it would just make things worse. Part of , what i think, the reason for him not wanting her to go is because he's afraid that she will go up ther and not come back ...except in a pine box..and that i can understand ..but the other half of the reason is because the doc that she's seeing..the one she's not actually a patient of...is one of the better specialist around and for some unknown reason he thinks the eventually he will start treating her like a patient instead of just giving up on her..which is how the doc is acting towards her now.
But enough of that.
Really, other than that..there isn't much going on. I'm still working at the answering service..where i've got more reading done than at any point in probably the past couple of years..hell in the past month i've worked my way up The Dark Tower series and am currently on the last book with only a couple of hundred pages to go...now the only question is ..will i be happy ..sad ..or just generally annoyed with how the whole thing ends.
Ahh yes..nothing like family.
One of my aunts was nice enough to call my grandmother to wish her a happy b-day...which is all well and good. The downside is that she wasn't here so my aunt decided to talk to me for a bit...which always leaves me with nothing much to say and her doing most of the talking and then the most wonderful thing happens..she starts talking to me about church and god and the bible. She tells me how i should get back in church and how this version of the bible is much easier to understand than this version and so on. Normally anyone who starts in with this kind of thing I politely tell them what i believe in and so on and walk away. But it's family and if i started something with my aunt then it would filter back and make my life rather unpleasant..so therefore i just grin and bear it. Tonights fun time was her spending 15mins trying to find a specific word in the bible so that she could show me how much better her translation is in explaining something than the King James version. Actually she's still looking for it. The one thing i've learned in working in customer service and in dealing with most of my family is that as long as you say certain key words every now and again the person actually think you are listening to them.
Oh good! My grandmother just came home. I can now safetly give the phone to her!
I really think it's a conspiracy against me.
Sometime last night my cable went down...again. Normally it goes down when there is a bad rainstrom....but last night there was no storm ..nothing ..it just poof went away. I tried all the little things you are supposed to when your little modem starts to go blinky-blinky and nothing worked. Got up this morning and still the same thing...nothing.
Maybe the cable company just likes to screw around with me...maybe they just like my voice and want me to call in....maybe the tech guys that come out to look at the cable just want to see if i'll say sometning witty and give them some entertainment in their otherwise boring day....I don't know ..but i know it's a conspiracy. I know the tech guys don't mind me calling in..because all they have to do is run a quick check on my line and then tell me "I'm sorry sir we are going to have to send a tech out to your house" and that's it..end of call. Probably one of the quickest calls of that techs day. Then the cable guy comes out spends about 15-20 mins doing his thing and my cable is back up and running for the next couple of weeks ..until it rains ..or just goes down. I would switch compaines but they would use the same lines and what not ..so it probably woudln't do me much good anyway.
Ok well time to sit around and wait for the cable guy
I hate being sick.
I started fealing under the weather the day before halloween and it seems to only be getting worse.
Alot of cool stuff happened on halloween, but i don't feal like typing it all out now....one thing though ..if things play themselves out right i'll be getting a new(to me) izuzu rodeo and it will cost me nothing!
Time to down some more NyQuil